One month Gotcha Day anniversary!

Today marks the one month anniversary of the day we met Callie in China, and already we can't picture our family without her. Her English is growing by leaps and bounds, and her attachment to us is growing as well. Last week I was going to the school to do a little work in my classroom and I took the girls to the sitter, thinking that Callie would be fine since she has never shown any signs of having issues with us coming or going. WRONG! She began crying hysterically and clinging to me as though her life depended on it, upsetting the babysitter but making this Mommy just a bit happy that she is beginning to form an attachment and she does care if I leave. It was the first time I had ever seen her cry, and while it broke my heart to see her so upset, I did take it as a good sign of her growing attachment. I ended up taking her with me, leaving Maili at the sitter just so that Callie would see that we would come back to get her and she would be fine. We did visit the sitter a couple more times just to make sure she knew it was ok to be there, but I stayed there both times and didn't leave.

We went to church Sunday for the first time since coming home, and Callie went into her class holding Maili's hand with no problem. Of course, we had to explain to the Sunday school teacher that no, she did not belong in the preschool class down the hall, but once they understood that she was indeed in the right class and that they could come and get us if she became upset, everything was fine. She was all smiles when we came back to get her, and the teachers reported that she participated in class and seemed to enjoy herself.

She is finally beginning to grieve the loss of all she has known, and while it is sad to see, it does mean that she is comfortable enough with us to let her feelings out. Last night when I went upstairs with her to put her to bed, she suddenly began to get tears in her eyes, and for over half an hour she sobbed, not saying a word. We moved to the rocking chair and she just put her head on my shoulder and clung to me while she cried and I rocked. I never said a word to her but just held her and sang softly to her, until her cries turned into a whimper and her whimper turned into her humming along. Eventually she gave me a hug and said " I love you, Mommy" and then went and got in her bed, giving me a few more hugs and kisses than usual.

Callie went to her cardiology workup yesterday and did awesome. She was very cooperative with the doctors who examined her, there were 4 in all. Evidently she has a rather interesting anatomy and they wanted to show all their friends. For those who don't know, she has dextrocardia, which means that her heart is on the right side of her body instead of the left. Apparently that makes for very exciting viewing on an EKG, judging from all of the doctors crowding around. The results of the EKG were pretty inconclusive. According to the records we received from China, we were told that she has a 17mm VSD and a smaller ASD. Amazingly, they found no sign of the VSD, although they did note that it is unusual for one that size to close on its own. They were somewhat concerned about her high pulmonary pressures because they were unable to determine what was causing her pressures to be high. They have scheduled a cardiac catheterization in order to get a better picture of what is going on with her heart. They weren't able to see all of the arteries going to her heart due to its unusual position. Hopefully we will find out within the next couple of weeks what is going on and what are her options for treatment. In the meantime, she has been cleared by the doctors to begin school, so she will start kindergarten next week. Already she has a pretty good grasp on many of the skills she will need for kindergarten, and I have no doubt she will catch up quickly. She has a very impressive sign language vocabulary (thanks to her obsession with watching Signing Time videos over and over ) and her English vocabulary is growing daily. We had been a bit concerned that she might pick up some of Maili's speech patterns since they spend so much time together, but so far that has not been the case. Maili's language and vocabulary are excellent, but her articulation still leaves much to be desired. She had oral surgery yesterday to remove two baby teeth that were impacted, leaving her with only two on each side in the top of her mouth. Her lack of teeth is definitely impacting her speech production, but hopefully her new ones will come in soon and it will improve. In the meantime, we have caught Callie acting as her translator! Yesterday Jamie had Maili repeat a word over and over because he had no idea what she was trying to say. Finally, Callie blurted out the correct word quite clearly and he was able to understand. She's always looking out for her big sister. She even picks out an extra sticker every time she goes to the doctor so that she can bring one home for Maili. They truly love being together and it is rare to see one without the other at home. I know that "virtual twinning" is a controversial subject and often frowned upon in adoption circles, but it has certainly worked out well for us so far and we can only hope that they always stay as close as they are right now. Maili has a sparkle about her that wasn't there before; I don't know how to describe it except to say it's as though she is finally at peace. For the past year or so it has been obvious that she's become aware that she looks different from the rest of our family and that difference bothered her. Now she is so happy to have someone who "look like me" as she says. She is always very attuned to how Callie must be feeling, I'm pretty sure she must be remembering her own adoption experience at times. The day Callie got upset at the babysitters house, she told me that Callie was upset because she didn't know yet that Mommy would always come back. Pretty insightful for a six year old, but maybe not for one who has been there, done that.

Home for 11 days

Callie has been home for less than two weeks, and already it's as though she's always been here. The adjustment period we keep anticipating simply hasn't been an issue; from the moment we met her she was undeniably ours and we were hers, and strangely enough she seems to know it instinctively. We've felt all along that she was meant to be here, but in reality we knew that when you adopt an older child the road is not always paved with sunshine and roses in the beginning. So imagine our surprise when it HAS been. I know it sounds crazy ; it is not the norm for older child adoptions and no doubt there will be bumps in the road, but for the moment we are just enjoying Callie for who she is, a pint sized powerhouse with a whole lot of love to give and no reservations at all about giving it. We are so very, very blessed.

Already Callie has been very attuned to the fact that she is now part of our family; she checks the walls and fridge to make sure there are photos of herself along with Maili and Holt and claps gleefully when she spots one. The second day she was home, she pointed out the fact that there were no Callie photos in the digital photo frame that scrolls constantly in the living room. I quickly grabbed the camera card and downloaded some family photos from our China trip while she was napping, replaced the card, and waited for her to notice.

When she awoke from her nap we were all in the den and I noticed her watching the photos flashing on the screen again. A few seconds later, a picture of Callie came up and she began clapping and giggling, jumping up and down in her excitement and screaming "Look, Mommy, Callie!" Yes, her English has developed that fast. She uses English phrases sprinkled with Chinese and we have no trouble understanding each other. She can name all of her body parts in English and has been teaching them to us in Chinese. She giggles at our pronunciation and mocks how we say them, laughing hysterically when we get one wrong.

After one week of watching preschool videos and being introduced to a couple of computer programs I used with Maili, she can say her ABC's and recognize quite a few of them, name a handful of letter sounds, and put the fridge magnets in alphabetical order. She wrote her name for the first time today and seems to have no issues with her motor skills that I can see. The orphanage delays we had anticipated simply aren't there; so far there is no evidence that she might require extra help to catch up to her peers, which is very surprising considering the amount of time she has spent in an orphanage. This is both a blessing and a curse; she most likely won't qualify for any additional help in school to help her catch up, but the good news is that she should catch up quickly regardless.

Right now we are planning to start her in kindergarten, since she has had little or no exposure to basic academic skills that we can determine. Even though she should technically be in first grade, we feel that this will give her the best start to her school career and expose her to the skills she has missed. Due to her small size, it is likely that her peers will not realize that she is older unless she chooses to tell them. Had she qualified for any extra services through the school system we would consider placing her in first grade, but since she will basically be on her own we feel that kindergarten will be the best placement for her even though it will put her two grades behind her same age sister.

Speaking of Maili, the two girls have become absolutely inseperable since coming home; they couldn't be closer. Holt left for Boy Scout camp the day after coming home from China and the girls spent the week playing dress up, getting their nails done, and dressing up their dolls together. They actually had their very first sibling squabble yesterday over a toy they both wanted to play with, but it didn't last long and they were both sad when I separated them for awhile to cool off and figure out how to work it out. While they were seated in separate areas of the den to cool off I overheard the following conversation:

Maili: I'm sorry, Callie.

Callie: I'm sorry, Maili.

Maili: I love you, Callie

Callie: I love you, Maili

After they resumed playing Maili came into the kitchen and said "Mom, sisters fight sometimes, don't they?"

Sometimes they do, I replied.

But I don't like to fight with my sister, it makes me feel sad" was her reply, which struck me as kind of funny, since she fights with Holt on a regular basis and rarely shows any remorse..go figure.

Callie met MeMe and Pa, Aunt Kelli and cousin Lacey for the first time this weekend and she was thrilled to make their acquaintance. I think she recognized them from the pictures in the book we had sent her before we traveled. She posed willingly for all of their photos and gave hugs to everyone while they were here. Amazingly enough, she already seems to get that she is part of our family, and when asked her name she will proudly tell you the full name that we have given her. She may not realize yet that we are forever, but she definitely gets the concept of family and she has already become a treasured part of ours.

Home for 4 days

Aside from some major jet lag, our first few days home with Callie have gone better than we could have ever hoped or dreamed. Her seamless transition into our family has surprised us all; we fully expected that once we got home we might begin to see some evidence of the inevitable stress caused by all the changes she has recently experienced. So far, however, she has shown no sign whatsoever of any distress or confusion; on the contrary, she is absolutely thriving. Her English is increasing at an incredible rate every day; she is already putting together a few sentences and she definitely understands a lot of what we say. Today I asked her to please get Lola some food since she was hungry. She said "o.k. mommy" and went directly to the cabinet where we keep the dogfood and proceeded to fill Lola's bowl. Her expressive language is not quite at the same level as her receptive language, but she's getting there. Sometimes her accent is pretty comical, like when Jamie was trying to teach her the words for "fork" and "spoon" at dinner tonight. Her pronunciation of the word "fork" was, um, obscene, and caused us both to crack up, at which point she began giggling and repeating it loudly, causing the other people in the restaurant to turn around and look to see whose child was spouting profanity. Jamie and I couldn't stop laughing, Maili joined in even though she had no idea what was so funny, and the more we laughed the louder she got. We've really gotta work on that pronunciation..

Callie is slowly beginning to warm up to our pug Lola, which is progress since she was absolutely terrified of her in the beginning. She still runs and screams if Lola moves toward her too fast, but as long as Lola is calm or sleeping she is ok with her. I even caught her sneaking a few kisses from Lola yesterday while she was sleeping and I had to take her picture. She put her finger to her lips and said "shhhh, Mommy, Lola shu jou". For the last few days Lola has been "BU hao", but finally this morning she declared her "HUN hao" so I guess we're making progress. She still subjects the rest of us to her rating system, although not quite as often.

Her conversational skills are getting better, too. This morning she picked up her toy phone and pretended to call me, indicating that I should answer my cell phone. Usually a conversation with her is pretty brief and one sided, since she only knows "hello' and "goodbye" and the rest of the time she usually just repeats whatever you say to her. This time, though, we actually had a conversation.

Me: Hello

Callie: Hello Mommy.

Me: How are you?

Callie: How are you?

Me:I'm fine.

Callie: I"m fine. Wo ai ni, Mommy.

Me: I love you too, Callie.

Callie: goodbye Mommy

Me: goodbye, Callie

Home at Last!

Callie is finally home with her forever family, and what a journey it has been! Our journey is posted at www.myadoptionwebsite.com/callyn, but for the moment we are posting home updates here, since the My Adoption Website folks are in China right now on their own adoption journey.

Callie continued to amaze us in China with her complete adaptability, which served her well on the looooong trip home. Of the five of us, she was the only one who weathered the trip without becoming cranky and irritable, myself included. She sat quietly in her seat for the entire plane ride, content to play her gameboy or watch a movie. She napped on and off throughout the flight but always woke up cheerful and smiling, a feat I must confess the rest of us didn't manage to pull off so very well.

Aunt Shari was kind enough to pick us up at the airport and deliver us home complete with dinner ready to put in the oven, and we stayed up just long enough to eat it before everyone fell into the bed for the best night's sleep we've had in three weeks. Callie was excited to meet Aunt Shari and recognized her immediately from skyping with her daily while we were in China. She smiled and giggled when she saw her room; I'm pretty sure she recognized it from the photo books we had sent her. She happily climbed into bed with Maili after they had both selected dolls, blankets, and stuffed animals to sleep with. She remembered our bedtime ritual from China and held out both hands for me to fill with kisses and leaned in for some more kisses. Maili did the same and they were asleep in minutes, curled up next to each other holding their teddy bears. We moved around so much in China I'm wondering if she realizes that this is home. Boy, won't she be surprised when she realizes that this hotel doesn't come with a remote control shower curtain and a gourmet breakfast buffet!

The next morning I woke up around 4 AM and couldn't go back to sleep; around 5 I heard giggles and little footsteps running around overhead. About half an hour later the girls emerged from their room, Callie with a big grin and saying "eat, Mama" while making the sign for "hungry. " She threw in the Chinese phrase for "I'm hungry" just in case I didn't get the picture. So we had an early breakfast and the girls ate pancakes and played some more in their room. We have been so lucky that they get along so well; being so close in age I was a bit worried about competition for toys and attention but so far we really haven't seen much of that at all. Aside from random bouts of giggles, they play so quietly and nicely together that I keep running in to check on them to make sure they aren't up to something. Each time I find to my amazement that they are happily building lego creations together or playing dress up. Maili hasn't always been known for her ability to share nicely and play cooperatively with others, to put it mildly. Sharing and turn taking are skills we've had to work hard to teach and practice repeatedly, and she still requires reminders at times to respect the personal space and property of others. Those were not skills that she possessed when she came to us and they did not come easily or naturally. So we are absolutely blown away with how kind and caring she has been with her new sister. Honestly it is beyond amazing, it is nothing short of miraculous. She seems extremely attuned to the fact that Callie needs extra attention from Mom and Dad right now and she even shares that willingly, which is an absolute blessing.

Since she's been home, Maili has returned to being the sweet, joyful ray of sunshine that she was before the trip. For whatever reason, her being back in China triggered all of the negative behaviors that had long been extinguished, and she went back to being very overactive, deliberately disobedient, and easily overstimulated while we were there. We knew before the trip that it was highly likely that we would see regression of that sort, but I don't think anything can prepare you when your happy, normally obedient six year old suddenly becomes an overactive two year old, complete with constant grabbing of other people's belongings, flicking light switches, bouts of uncontrollable singing, crying or giggling outbursts which can change minute to minute. I don't think any of us were prepared for the magnitude of her complete regression, and it took every ounce of patience we could muster to deal with it during our trip. I'm quite sure most people at our hotel thought MAILI was the newly adopted one and not Callie.

But thankfully, from the moment she woke up in her own bed the next morning, our Maili is back. She has been nothing but loving and obedient, and she seems at peace. She talks about China and the trip fondly, but she seems somehow at peace in a way she hasn't been in quite awhile. In the days leading up to the trip her behavior started on a downward spiral, partially the result of not sleeping well due to the excitement and anticipation of the trip and getting her new sister. Now that Callie is home she seems so calm and relaxed that she is like a different child.

She looks like a different child too- When I took Callie to get her hair shaped up yesterday Maili insisted on getting hers cut short so she would look like her sister. As much as it pained me to see her get it all cut off, I could see that it was important to her and I let her get it cut. She was very happy with the result; her Daddy not so much. Her hair was so very short when we got her and she has been letting it grow for almost three years, so it was kind of sad to see it go. But her plan is to let it grow back out as Callie grows hers, so I guess we can't argue with that.

I had promised Callie when we were in China that as soon as we returned to the United States we would get her ears pierced, and she did not let me forget. Yesterday morning, which was her first morning home, she reminded me within the first half hour of waking up that she still did not have earrings in her ears. So on the way to the haircuts, we stopped by M*rle Norm*n and solved the problem. She sat very quietly while the technician did each ear, and then held the mirror up to her face with a satisfied grin. Her new word of the day was beau-tee-full and she practiced it all day while admiring herself in every mirror she could find. I just thought Maili was a princess; she's got nothing on this one..

Top: First Glimpse of Callie
Bottom: Maili's Gotcha Day 2008

Scooby's Story

Many of you followed our journey to China and back for our daughter Maili in 2008. (www.myadoptionwebsite.com/maili) Maili was four when she became part of our family. Now she is a bright, energetic first grader and the light of our lives. She was also to be our last child, or so we thought . You see, we never planned to have more than two children. Ever. It just wasn't something we considered. Not even a little bit. But God had other plans for our family, and slowly but surely we began to realize those plans.

About a year after she joined our family, Maili began talking about her little sister. According to her, this sister was the same age as Maili, she was waiting for our family to come and get her in China, and her name was Scooby. Often she would ask "When are we going to China to get my Scooby?" and we would laugh and brush her off, thinking that it was just a phase and that she would soon forget about it. But rather than forget about it, she never let it go. Many times a day she would mention this sister, even going so far as to set aside clothes and toys for her, setting a place for her at the table, and picking out clothes for her at the store. No matter how may times we reminded her that our family was complete, she continued to insist that her Scooby was waiting for her in China and that we needed to hurry up and go get her.

Being an active member of the adoption community, I receive frequent e-mails from numerous groups and individuals advocating for children who are waiting for families. Occasionally I would open these or glance at the photos, more often I simply deleted them without even looking. After all, our family was complete, right?

On day in September I received such an email and opened it, glancing at the photos of the waiting children. One of the photos caught my eye because the little girl in the photo bore an uncanny resemblance to Maili. Not the Maili whose joyful laughter fills our home each and every day, but the Maili we met in China almost three years ago. The one whose downcast eyes spoke volumes about the sadness and loss she had endured in her short life. The photos we have of Maili from that day show fear and sadness, and this little girl's eyes had the exact same look, a look which has long since been erased for Maili and replaced with an absolute sparkle and joy for life.

I clicked on the photo, curious. According to the information given, she was just eight months younger than Maili, with an unrepaired heart condition. This was the same special need we were told that Maili had, although it later turned out that her heart is perfectly healthy and normal. Sighing, I closed the file. Too many children with sad eyes and not enough families to bring them home. I put it out of my mind and life went on.

A month or so later, I spotted a familiar face among a different group of waiting children. Surely a family would have come forward to bring her home by now, I thought. Meanwhile, Maili continued her campaign for "my Scooby" as she called her, and I began to wonder what if. What if we just took a look at the file. It wouldn't hurt to look. By this time, Maili had become so insistent that I began to wonder if maybe she knew something we didn't. I mentioned it to Jamie, who by then had grown quite tired of Scooby talk and responded with a resounding NO. I told him that for some reason I felt led to look at her file, and I had no idea why, since I certainly didn't see myself as the mother of three. He reminded me that even if we wanted to pursue another adoption, which we did NOT, that we had no money saved for one and that we were still paying off the loan from the previous adoption. At that point, I told him that if this was meant to be, the doors would open instead of close,and that we would find a way to pay for the adoption without borrowing a penny. He looked at me like I had lost my mind and said that if I was so certain of that, then go ahead and look at the file, because those doors weren't gonna open any time soon. He had no idea just how wrong he was.

Once we looked at the file, we discovered the reason that this little girl was still on the list. She had some pretty significant medical issues which should not be taken lightly. After doing some research into her specific heart defects, we realized that her needs were probably too great for our family to handle. However, we did send the file to several different specialists to review, just to see what they thought about her prognosis. Amazingly enough, once everything was explained to us, her needs didn't seem so scary after all. In fact, they seemed pretty doable. There were still a lot of unanswered questions, however. We requested more information from the orphanage, thinking that at that point the doors would close. It is almost unheard of to get an update from China on a file you are reviewing before you even commit to accepting a referral. However, every single test we requested was done, every single question we had was answered fully, and every piece of information we were provided pointed to the fact that this little girl could live a normal, healthy life if only she was given the opportunity to have the life-saving surgery she needed. If only she had a family to give her that chance. Were we that family? We began to wonder.

We spent almost three months reviewing the file from the time we had first seen this little girl's picture. Three months during which we listed all of the reasons why we should just go on with our lives and forget about this little girl, who we later found out had been on the list for over a year because no one had stepped forward for her to make her part of their family. Eventually we both realized that this was indeed meant to be our daughter, and that if we just took that leap of faith, the rest would work itself out. When Maili saw her photo on the computer for the first time, she said without hesitation " That's my Scooby. We need to go get her in China, she's waiting for us." The journey to Scooby had begun.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the country, a family was praying for that little girl. A foster family who never gave up hope that the little girl they had loved and lost would someday find a family of her own. When this family left China, they had to make the heartbreaking decision to return this little girl to the orphanage, this child who had become a cherished part of their family during the time she spent in their home. Almost three years went by, but the family never stopped praying that she would find a family to love and care for her and provide her with the medical care she needed to live a long and healthy life. They had named her Allison Hope, and called her Allie.

When we discovered quite by accident that this little girl whose eyes we could not forget and whose situation we could no longer ignore was the same little girl that this family had loved and cherished as their own, we decided to name her Callyn Hope, in honor of the fact that they never gave up HOPE for her during the time she waited for her forever family to claim her. One by one, all of the doors which should have been closed to us were opened, leaving us no doubt that this little girl was indeed meant to be a part of our family. One day we will tell Callie the story of how she came to be part of our family, and she will be as amazed as we are at the miracles which took place. Not one penny borrowed, but somehow every penny needed has been saved or raised just in time for each payment. We are still in awe of that one, and looking back no we have no idea how that was even possible in a six month period of time, but it happened. One family and one little girl who never gave up hope that Scooby would find her forever family, and two hearts which changed completely in a matter of a few months. I guess it's true what they say. If you want to hear God laugh, start telling him your plans.

Look at the nations and watch, and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told. - Habakkuk 1:5